


Selenophile

by Smosh (DeadLoaf)



Category: Smosh
Genre: Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-12-16 06:07:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21031475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeadLoaf/pseuds/Smosh
Summary: Allusion is a figure of speech, in which one refers covertly or indirectly to an object or circumstance from an external context.Shayne confesses his love in a roundabout way multiple times. It takes Damien quite a long time to get the message.





	Selenophile

**Author's Note:**

> According to Japanese lore, the author Natsume Soseki during his time as an English teacher supposedly saw his students translate “I love you” word-for-word as _“Ware kimi wo aisu.”_ He thought that it was impractical and too direct (for Japanese culture), and provided a more creative translation.  
For context, when alone with a woman under a moonlit sky, one would say _“Tsuki ga kirei desu ne?”_ or “The moon is beautiful, isn’t it?” which sounds more tasteful than _“Ai shiteru.”_ Of course circumstances such as delivery and setting can affect how this can be interpreted.  
The appropriate response to this confession would be _“Shindemo iiwa”_ or “I can die happy.”
> 
> This fic stands on both the backstory above and the wonders of implications in communication.

_A single word can mean several things._

_A single sentence can convey several emotions._

_A piece of imagination can create a whole new universe._

* * *

Most of the people in Shayne’s life have always advised him to find someone who is his polar opposite so that they would never get bored of each other. After meeting Damien, Shayne is ready to call bullshit on that.

It was amazing and alarming how they got along like a house to a fire. They could talk about anything and everything. The whole list could probably surpass the fucking Mahabharata.

The fact that they were almost the same person must be why Shayne noticed a little too late when the line between platonic and romantic started to blur.

It came out of nowhere after losing another round of Mario Party. Shayne found himself fixated on Damien’s triumphant smile, curious as to how it would feel against his own lips. He blinked away the thought and quickly tried to act frustrated to hide his momentary lapse in attention.

Another time when they were watching a horror movie in Damien’s room, Shayne felt a sudden urge to scoot closer to his friend’s side. The following jumpscare convinced him to do so. Adding to the surprise was a firm hand that pulled him even closer. He spent the rest of the night curled beside Damien, futilely attempting to convince himself that it was the movie that’s making his heart hammer in his chest.

Realizing that fondness turned to affection took a while. Accepting that he had unknowingly fallen for his best friend took even longer.

Perhaps it was inevitable. He was helplessly caught in Damien’s gravity.

* * *

They decided to stargaze one night to just relax and pretend that they’re camping in a forest instead of their backyard in a shady neighborhood at LA. Light pollution made the stars look dim even with the cloudless night, but it was better than nothing.

Damien was animated while listing the stars and constellations he could recognize, from Polaris to Cygnus to Draco to the Ursa Major. Shayne tried to focus but he couldn’t stop staring at Damien’s eyes, which in his opinion shined brighter than any star, especially when talking about something he really likes. It makes him giddy to know that he also brings the sparkle out of those ochre eyes.

The night went on and there was a lull in their conversation, Damien took a deep breath and leaned back on his palms, closing his eyes and listening to the faint urban cacophony. The pale hand was so close, it would just be too easy to lace their fingers together, just too easy to say three simple words.

“Shayne, thanks for joining me here.” Looking up, he saw Damien scratch his head bashfully, “Though, I kinda feel bad for making you stay up later than usual…”

He waved off the apology, “Hey, don’t sweat it man. Besides, it feels nice to look at the stars every once in a while. Well, at least the ones not on TV.”

Damien chuckled and Shayne’s breath got caught in his throat. He looked ethereal under the night sky, pale skin like porcelain and eyes glowing amber. _Say it. Just say it._

“Thanks for being a great friend.” A red light halted his train of thought. The sudden compliment punched his gut and made him draw his hand closer to himself. _Right, we’re just friends._ _Who am I kidding_?

Yet the words stubbornly remained at the tip of his tongue and he inhaled sharply at the onslaught of emotions wanting burst out. He just wanted to say it _so bad_.

He looked at Damien once again, admiring the form bathed in moonlight, and decided instead on another approach. As they say, you miss a hundred percent of the shots you don’t take, right?

Shayne wet his lips and cleared his throat, eyes fixed on his best friend and hands clenched tightly on the ground.

“The moon is beautiful, isn’t it?” he couldn’t quite hide the longing in his gaze, but thankfully Damien was too distracted looking at the full moon.

“Yeah, it is.” Shayne smiled ruefully.

* * *

He found himself deferring to it once again during a late night stroll that ended up with them sitting outside a nearby Seven Eleven. The way they spent time together was already like a well-practiced routine, this time with a bag of chips shared between them.

“Do you think there’s another episode to shoot next week?” Damien rested his chin on his palm.

Shayne frowned, “I’m not sure. I haven’t received any calls yet, but Allisyn said that the set was recently changed so I think they’re preparing for another episode. Hopefully.”

“Well, if we’re not on the next one, at least we won’t have to dread who’s getting made up by…You-Know-Who.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me. By the way,” Shayne pointed an accusing finger, “I’m still not over that one time you left me to the vultures.” Damien suppressed his laugh with a mischievous grin, “Hey fuck you man, I straight up looked like a zombie and it was a miracle that I didn’t get pink eye.”

“It’s survival of the fittest, Shayne. Sorry, not sorry. Besides, at least you got to experience being Zombieman,” Damien succumbed to a fit of giggles.

Shayne huffed, his spine tingling not from the wind but the sound of giggling tickling his ears. Making Damien laugh in all different kinds of ways never fails to make butterflies flutter in his stomach. _Oh god, why does he have to be so adorable?_

The damp asphalt glimmered and he looked up to see the clouds drifting away to let the moon’s faint rays illuminate the city. It reminded him of the night he confessed.

Almost two months have passed since then and he continued to fall deeper and deeper, unsure if Damien will even be there to catch him. As they grew closer, the words _‘I love you’_ became more difficult to contain.

It probably wouldn’t hurt to say it again, even to just take a bit of weight of his chest.

He nudges the elbow propped on the table, “Damien.”

Damien took a bite off a chip, “Yeah?”

Shayne lightly bit his lower lip, “The moon is beautiful, isn’t it?” 

Damien looked up, “Agreed.”

It stings, but he takes comfort in the lightness that followed.

* * *

It was bound to happen, but Damien found a long-term girlfriend. They’ve been steady for almost two years now and Shayne pep-talked himself to be happy for his best friend. Fortunately, they still remained close and spent time together, though not as frequently as they used to.

Shayne was amused at the irony, how the one thing that’s keeping him from being consumed by his bitter emotions was the reason he was feeling these in the first place.

Working at Smosh helped in keeping his mind busy. He tried putting himself out there too, being active on Tinder, chancing dates, and even picking up guys or girls at the occasional nighttime trips downtown. However, no one seemed to last.

It was mostly his fault, always ending up mentally comparing his dates to Damien and they seem to notice that he’s really not that interested. Shayne admits that it's unfair to them, but he can’t help it.

Third wheeling is not his cup of tea, yet he can’t resist when Damien does his kicked puppy look and promises that there would be lots of things for him to have fun too. Not that he can resist Damien anyway.

He does end up having fun most of the time since Damien is usually good at making sure that anyone doesn’t feel left out.

There’s always a green-eyed creature at the back of his mind that bristles like a cat whenever he would see them act all lovey-dovey, shouting _‘He’s mine! That’s my territory!’ _Guilt makes it easier to keep it all in, after all it’s not her fault that Shayne was too much of a chicken to directly confess.

She was patient, understanding, and admittedly a bit of an adrenaline junkie – she’s honestly a good fit for Damien. The couple had such a strong rhythm going on, which is why Shayne was surprised when a distressed Damien knocked on his door at 11 PM, close to tears and pacing back and forth at his doorway.

He bit back a yawn as he hurriedly invited his friend to sit on the couch in the living room, fetching a cup of tea for Damien and a glass of water for himself. Patiently, he coaxed his friend to drink the warm beverage, gently massaging the shaking hands to help him calm down.

“She broke up with me,” Damien finally managed to choke out after finishing the warm drink. He started to tremble.

Shayne pulled his distraught friend into a hug, feeling his shoulder getting damp and his body shake from the sobs. He kept quiet as Damien morosely repeated her words – how she felt stuck in a void, how their relationship seemed to be going nowhere and she wanted something more. She immediately moved out after their talk, having apparently packed her things while Damien was at work.

Damien’s head eventually ended on his lap, venting while he ran his fingers through the dark brown strands.

“I should’ve done more for her, spent more time with her. Maybe it would have made a difference.”

Shayne shook his head, “Damien, you shouldn’t be the only one making an extra effort in your relationship. I mean, you were barely getting any sleep with all your jobs.”

“I know, but…we were happy. Well, I thought she was. I just can’t help but feel bad that I wasn’t good enough to make her stay,” Shayne’s heart clenched. _No! Please don’t say that. I wish you know how much you mean to me. _He hates it when Damien beats himself up too much, even because of things that are out of his control.

They remained in that position until late past midnight.

“I’m really sorry for barging in like this Shayne, I-I just didn’t know where to go and you probably have work early and-“

Shayne shushed Damien’s stammering, “It’s all right, really. We’re” he swallowed the lump on his throat, “best friends, you can always come to me for something like this, because I know you would do the same for me too.”

At last, Damien gave a tired smile, “Thank you. Thank you for this.”

He wiped a stray tear, “No problem…” Then, he felt it again. Words caught at the back of his throat, trying to escape, but it’s not the right time. Damien needed comfort, not a declaration of love that will surely complicate things further.

Shayne continued instead, “…besides, I don’t mind sleeping this late.” He glanced at his window, the quarter moon a stark contrast against the dark sky, “The moon is always beautiful.”

_I will always be there for you._

There was only the sound of breathing and Shayne looked down to see Damien had fallen asleep from exhaustion. He looked around as if looking for any witnesses before placing a light kiss on Damien’s forehead.

He smiled to himself as he carefully placed a pillow under Damien’s head and slowly maneuvered out of his position. After placing a warm blanket over the sleeping form, he retired to his room for the night.

* * *

“_Kanpai!_”

They clinked their cups together before taking a sip, breathing out satisfied sighs.

“Oh man! This _sake_ tastes so good! We better bring some of these back home,” Damien gushed.

“You got it, man. Dibs on the _Otokoyama_!”

“Hey, no fair!”

They poured each other another cup and Shayne leaned back on his seat, feeling the warmth flow throughout his body. He saw Damien doing the same beside him, they reveled in the relaxing atmosphere.

Both of them are in the balcony of their shared hotel room, just in their pajamas despite the chilly night air and sharing a warm bottle of _Dewatsuru Kimoto Junmai sake_.

This trip was something that they have planned for years and it felt so satisfying to finally come to Japan and go through their bucket list. The preparation before the trip was hectic and a pain in the ass, remembering to pack their stuff and doing the necessary paperwork for their leave, but it was worth it once they landed.

Being alone with Damien in a new country was equal parts frustrating and exhilarating. They got to explore and experience new things together, but he can’t help but lament at the missed opportunities were they a couple instead. Curse that non-fraternization rule. Nevertheless, he can’t let that get in the way of enjoying this vacation to the max.

Shayne laughed to himself when he looked back on their first day touring Tokyo.

“What’cha thinkin’ about?” Damien asked.

“Oh nothing. I just remembered your stupid face at the _Harajuku District_.”

Damien joined in the laughter, setting his cup and the bottle on the floor, “Yeah, I looked dumb didn’t I?”

“Nah, you’re so cute when you nerd out,” Shayne slapped his mouth shut. He didn’t mean to say that out loud. _Shit._

Damien raised an eyebrow and was about to ask when the sky suddenly shimmered with several colors. “Woah, there must be a local Firework Show,” Damien eased back into his chair to watch.

Shayne did the same, but looked at his companion instead. Maybe it was the _sake_ getting to his head, but everything started playing out in slow motion. The dark wavy hair being tousled by the wind, the palette of lights dancing across the handsome face, the dissipating white puffs of air as he exhaled.

Oh boy, he’s really got it bad. The lovesick expression on his face was more obvious than usual, but he’s too borderline drunk to care. The combination of the alcohol, the cold, the lights, and the proximity made him feel more and more lethargic. It might be the reason he didn’t avert his eyes when Damien looked back at him.

“Shayne? Are you all right?” Damien frowned in concern.

“What do you mean? I feel terrific.” _Especially by your side._

“Aren’t you going to watch the fireworks?”

“I am watching.” _…you, because you’re far more interesting. _“Besides, I think the moon is more beautiful, isn’t it?” his mouth felt sluggish and his eyelids wanted to droop.

Damien is confused but he could tell Shayne was affected by the _sake_, “Why do you think so?”

Shayne looked up to the sky, amidst the dancing lights and clouds of smoke, the faint outline of the moon still stood out. Facing Damien with half-lidded eyes, he groggily answered, “Because no matter how many times I look at it, the moon never fails to take my breath away.”

He saw hazel eyes widening before he lost the battle with sleep.

* * *

Something changed. So much had happened since their trip to Japan, the Defy Shutdown of course taking the cake. Now that Smosh had settled under the care of Mythical and he’s found time for himself, he can’t help but reflect.

Usually, his interactions with Damien were limited to the usual ‘bro-touches’ and the quirky mannerisms – _no, the sneaky one-sided caresses and pecks don’t count_. Lately, he’s been noticing how Damien seemed to be more…touchy than usual, especially for someone who values his personal space. Not that Shayne is complaining, he's just wondering when it started.

It escaped his notice at first because they were so subtle and casual. A hand resting on his thigh when watching a movie, carefully fixing his collar, and frequently wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

Until one day, as they walked side-by-side towards the kitchen, he jolted when Damien unexpectedly held his hand and wound their fingers together.

“You okay, buddy?”

Shayne took a deep shuddering breath and gave a small smile, “Yeah.”

Damien smiled back and squeezed lightly, making Shayne’s knees almost buckle. He almost reached out again when they had to separate to make coffee.

After that, the hand holding increased. Most of the Smosh fam who watched the development gave teasing smiles, while the others were more vocal – Courtney, Mari, and Noah being the biggest offenders. Damien would just laugh and wave it off. Shayne on the other hand, would be floundering and flushing up to his roots much to their amusement.

Damien then made a habit of taking a nap on his lap during office breaks and scaring the crap out of Shayne with surprise hugs from behind. Though the palpitations were more because of the warmth on his back and less of the jumpscare. _Seriously, is he trying to kill me with a heart attack?_

Besides those, nothing changed much. They still cracked both good and terrible jokes, made obscure references, and crafted sketches out of their weird sense of humor. He accepted the additional touches as Damien being more comfortable with human contact and rolled along with it – even if it made him lightheaded most of the time.

It was after a stressful week of filming that Damien invited him to ‘recharge’ at a clearing overlooking the city. They bought some snacks, water, and a couple of cans of sodas, loaded everything on Damien’s car and went on their way, reaching the place by late evening.

After spreading out a picnic cloth on top of the grass, they plopped down tiredly on the soft covered ground and took in the peaceful vibe of the place.

Shayne didn’t notice how tense his body was until he stretched out and groaned in satisfaction at the multiple bones popping. He unclenched his jaw and sighed in relief, moving closer to Damien who’s trying to find a comfortable spot. Thank god they were wearing warm hoodies because it started to get cold.

They were sitting and drinking a can of La Croix when the stars finally appeared. The moment gave Shayne a warm splash of nostalgia. It hit him that the last time they did this was seven years ago in the backyard of their rundown apartment. A time when he was unsure of his future but so sure of his feelings.

“It’s been quite a while since we did this. I can’t believe we didn’t stargaze more often,” Damien said out of the blue, interrupting Shayne’s trip down Memory Lane.

“Yeah, but that’s because you prefer rooting your ass on the couch playing video games and watching anime over going outside.”

Damien snorted, “Like you’re any different, Mr. I-Always-Beat-Damien-at-Games Topp.” Shayne flipped him the bird and heard a light chuckle in response.

“But for real, it’s surreal to me that years later, we’re still the same goofy nerds doing sketch comedy and all sorts of random things. I’m impressed you didn’t get tired of me throughout the years,” there was a soft look in his face that Shayne couldn’t place, making his heart beat faster all of a sudden.

“Puh-lease, who’s going to laugh at my Billy Mays impersonation?” Damien busted into laughter in his hand, almost spilling soda on the cloth.

“Dude, those are terrible.”

“But you still love it though,” there was nothing funny about their exchange but the laughter was just too infectious.

The night became colder and Shayne shifted closer to Damien, their hands automatically intertwining out of habit. He looked up at the moon and that night at Japan surfaced in his mind. It would have been a perfect time to confess with the fireworks and everything, but the mixture of alcohol and the weight of the company employee policy kept him from outright telling the truth. But maybe, this is a sign, this is another chance. They’ve been almost connected at the hip for so long that a confession wouldn’t ruin anything, right?

He looked up through his lashes at Damien’s serene smile. Blue met hazel and Shayne was too used to disguising the truth that he couldn’t stop the tumble of words coming out of his mouth, “The moon is beautiful tonight, isn’t it?”

Hanging his head low, he wanted to take back his words and slap himself hard, but the answer stopped him short.

“I can die happy,” he almost got whiplash from facing Damien again.

“What?”

“I said, I can die happy.”

Seeing the slow creep of realization on his face, Damien ran his hand through the golden locks and settled on his jaw, “I guess I was so used to hearing things directly when it comes to you. I can’t believe it took me until Japan to notice.”

“Are you saying – ?"

“Yes, I love you too.”

Shayne felt the air knocked right out of his lungs. They were just inches apart. Hesitantly, he tilted his head and leaned forward to meet Damien’s lips. They were shaking from emotion, but it felt light, innocent, and magical – his first kiss with Damien under the tranquil moonlight and a garden of stars.

They pulled away but remained close, foreheads touching, “I’m sorry I haven’t realized it sooner. You must’ve kept quiet for so long…” Damien pulled him in again for a deeper kiss, slow and desperate, the faint taste of salt mixing in.

Leaning back to catch his breath, he saw silent streams trickling down Damien’s face, a thumb rubbed his cheek and he realized he was crying too. Relieved smiles were mirrored on their faces.

“So, does this mean I was right and you were really saying ‘I love you’?” Damien asked sheepishly.

Shayne snickered until it escalated into a full-blown exasperated belly laugh. High on elation and bursting with affection, he knocked both of them to the ground with a vicious hug that sent them rolling out of the cloth and into the grass. Their laughter was reduced to light chuckling by the time they stopped, Shayne landing on top of Damien.

“I guess that means yes?”

“Obviously. Took you long enough, idiot,” arms wrapped around his waist and he nuzzled his head on the warm neck underneath. He breathes in the scent that is purely Damien, then breathes out a contented sigh that made the body beneath involuntarily shiver.

“So, are we going to move over there or…?”

“Nope. Too comfortable.”

“Fair enough.”

**Author's Note:**

> I tried hehehe.
> 
> I'm really not that good at writing fluff and happy endings (compare this to Sucker for Pain), but this is why I write fanfics in the first place.


End file.
